Dead...but trying

It really sucks when you finally lose your drive to do anything .___. But hell, I'm still trying. Just like when i was trying to graduate High School, i need to kick myself in the butt again to get moving but this time to get back into school. I have a lot I want to accomplish in my life but it feels like I'm stuck in a rut, (<-- that the saying?) can honestly say that I've never felt this lost in my life before. (this a midlife crisis? Lawl if it is, though i doubt it. Then again what do i know? x_x)
It also feels like i always get left behind and it takes me forever to catch up; takes forever, but at least i do, right? And then when i finally do catch up i find out that I'm back to square one when i see how much people have already done in that time. No matter how hard i try, i know in the back of my head that I'll always end up last in everything. I'll always be left behind and sooner or later, forgotten..but oh well. Just gotta get up and work harder, if not, just start from scratch again.
I really do hope I can get myself straightened out. I'm tired of always feeling alone, drives me insane. I always feel like giving up and telling people 'You win, I'll do whatever the hell you want.', 'You're right I'm wrong.', and blah blah blah- but in the end that stupid annoying little glimmer of hope/optimism living in my fantasy world always comes back and punches me square in the face as a wake-up call. Augh, god, why you make me feel crazy??